Big Five Spiced

Arrgh! By my deathless soul! This be no rum! On the nose she be sweet smellin', like the mostest, sickliest, sweetest hell you ever smelled. There be cola, and clove, and orange, with a hint of cinnamon, barely a hint of oak, and unless I am mistook a ghost share of vanilla. On the tongue, the orange and the cinnamon come on board, fully armed to the teeth and fightin' to see who be the bigger bad of the two! Then it hits you - the thick, syrupy, sweet, sickness that makes you want to clack your tongue like you just discovered you had a tongue, or you been on a dry sandbar for weeks with barely a drop of water to quench your thirst! clack, clack, clack… and no way to fix it long after the deed be done. There be barely any burn goin' down the hatch, but what do you expect from liquid candyfloss? Aye, the name says "Big Five" but after samplin' this cheap overpriced hellspawn, I be confident that the "big five" be what you mix with it: 1) poor decisions (buyin' it in the first place), 2) shame (when you realize this not be a rum but a candyfloss sugar dandy), 3) regret (from all that shame), 4) embarrassment (should word get out you purchased this foo-foo perfumy sickly sweet devil), 5) diabetes (kinda speaks for itself). Normally, I would delegate a rum this awful for cleanin' swords, but who needs a sticky sword? Aye! Throw this overboard, mates. If the crew were to find this one, you would find yourself on the business end of a mutiny... and what self-respectin' captain needs that! Arrgh!

It’s quite smooth (slightly more smooth than Captain Morgan Spiced). When it first hit my pallet it reminded me much of Fireball. Big 5 is very sweet, like candy, and thick in a syrupy way.

I’d like to do a more thorough review, but I can’t stomach it after now having sipped on a few oz. For that i should probably drop a star, because I’ll honestly vomit if I drink much more. But I wont, because I doubt other people will have a similar experience in that.

Nearly $20 is certainly overpriced for 750 ml of Big 4